26 Nov 2008 - FC Girondins de Bordeaux Away

 vs  

 

Bordeaux vs Chelsea

 

Wednesday 26th November 08

 

Stade Chaban Delmas, Bordeaux , France

 

Result: 1-1 Goals: Anelka

 

Tour de la Pamplemousse Day 1 Bordeauvia bound

 

 

0900hrs Bang on time and we’re stood at the bus stop waiting for the first leg of the journey to Bordeaux . Only the finest (and most expensive) bus journey money can actually buy, if you want to go to the City that is.

 

0950hrs Having been at York Rail Station for a good 20 minutes and bought at least two newspapers each, it was time for the first drink of the day! Brian didn’t want one (bit too early for him, Yer right!) so Iain bought what was a relatively cheap first round – Grande Americano and a Grande Cappuccino.

1055hrs Having battled through the packed train we had now been in our seats for an hour. Brian had done most of his crossword but was struggling with the big words. Time for reinforcements - but AL and Iain were not much help. More reinforcements – and the nice nurse sat with us managed a few. Time for more reinforcement…….

 

 

1100hrs First beer of the day and the answers start flowing. Iain dodged the first can of 1664 (lightweight), having previously stated he would not drink until he was in France and being a man of his word.

 

 

1215hrs Train arrives at Kings Cross and it’s a short hop next door to where the Eurostar lives. Wearrive and get our tickets before going through security. Having cleared security we go to French Customs. Passports out, checked and cleared. Are we now in France ? It’s good enough for Iain and we celebrate with a drink.

 

1335hrs We are eventually let through to the train to find our seats have been double booked. No dramas - plenty of space. After 20 frighteningly quick minutes we are at the Tunnel - time for a drink.

 

1355hrs We arrive in the spacious and metal bar – reminiscent of a bad 80’s bar, but it serves beer and the barman’s English is almost as good as our French. We start on the 1664. Graham and Scott (CFC fans from Putney) pitch up - they start on the Duvel. The ‘flag’ makes a showing and we pose for photos - time for a drink.

 

 

1645hrs* We can see the lights of Paris – time for a drink. Only for Sodje the barman to tell us that we have not only emptied his bar of beers, but also the First Class bar! Time for a seat - but where the hell had we been sitting?

 

1720hrs* On the Paris Metro heading for Montparnasse and Iain has no idea how he has got here, as he doesn’t remember even getting of the Eurostar. His experiment has proved me right – drinking on a very fast moving train makes the bubbles work quicker and gets you pissed quicker. Proof of this is the giggling Mr Hagyard, who was giggling at the befuddled expression of Iain – ‘where the feck are we?’

 

1750hrs* Despite some fancy footwork and knocking some Frenchies out of the way we miss our train. Brian also sustains a calf injury possibly ruling him out of the next day’s game. Time for a chat with the loverly TGV counter person. After some quick flattery – some awesome pigeon French – a large amount of blame dumped at the feet of Eurostar - some puppy dog eyes and a whole double helping of puzzled looks when ever asked a difficult question (je ne parle pas Francais) – we land a FREE ticket change to the next available train. Time for a quick Gallouise avec the locals.

 

1802hrs* Having had to go outside for a smoke (we thought it was against the law NOT to smoke in France !!) Iain and Brian find themselves running (and limping) towards Al to ensure we don’t miss this train. Al is stood at the end of the required platform with his hand in the air like a Saga rep and they make for him. People are flooding down the platform and Iain hears someone blow a whistle, thinking the train is about to leave and without care for his personal safety – he jumps into first class, dragging Curly and Mo with him. Finding four VERY comfortable free seats in first class and we sit in them – we’re not moving unless told to.

 

 

1820hrs* A very nice ticket inspector type person arrives and tells us to move. But after a brief (and pleasant) exchange decides we can stay and only charges us €20 for the upgrade. Bargain!! Time for a beer or five, Top Trumps and Al’s new game of ‘Beer throwing in First Class’ – a game he played once and on his own.

2200hrs* Having arrived in Bordeaux; secured the services of Didi the finest Bordeauvian taxi driver (we have his card if anyone is planning a trip – it’s an experience); found and secured the accommodation; dropped our bags off; we find ourselves in the bar next door. (This short sentence does not do justice to the actual jumping through of hoops required to achieve entrance to our domicile. For a minute Brian thought they would be sleeping avec le French dossers) It’s a bleedin’ good job Al’s French is good. Time for beers.

 

2345hrs* The bar closes, but the night is still young. There’s a tram stop outside the bar. The trams are still running and the go into the centre of town. Result. We get on and none of us can figure out how (or if) you’re supposed to pay, didn’t try very hard though. Nobody else is…..

 

 

0030hrs*Al is now beginning to become delirious with hunger and after eating our body weight in Lebanese Chicken and Chips (very nice too) we find ourselves in a late-night bar. More beers. No sooner have we settled we a nice young lady appears and starts talking to Iain and Brian They never even saw her coming and she arrived just like the shop keeper in Mr Ben.

 

 

The nice young lady (let’s call her Chantal) then starts to talk to Al, remarking on his ‘beauty’. Experiment number two is a success – the Hadron Collider works in Frenchland. More beer.

 

 

Brian and Iain then notice a small group of Bordeauvian youth sat near us who are intent on staring at us. Thinking a rumble may be about to occur Al engages them in conversation and Iain and Brian take there coats off. We are wearing our official Tour de la Pamplemousse t-shirts with our French nom-de-plumes on the rear. (What is the French for nom-de-plume?) Much beer has been consumed and Iain has clearly forgotten his t-shirt name is ‘Le Flic’ (the Cop) not a great time for that to be seen! Fear not though Al’s grasp of the Frenchy language is perfect and he quickly has the Bordeauvian Chav element eating out of his hand and even shaking the hand of ‘Le Flic’ and ‘La Biblioteque’.

0345hrs* We arrive back at the hotel. In the room there is a double bed and a single sofa bed. Brian suggests we toss to see who gets the double bed. Not wanting to be involved in any competition involving tossing, with (or without) a prize of sleeping with Brian or Al; Iain volunteers to sleep on the sofa, which he later confirmed was only comfy when you were totally pissed! After much pissing about the lads finally settle down. Iain turns on the TV to avoid having to listen to Aramis and Porthos giggling in the double bed (not a very comforting sound, with only an unlockable door separating him from them!).

 

Non-plussed by French TV, Iain begins to think he is invisible, and believes he can creep into the bedroom in the dark and surprise Al and Brian by taking a photograph. Al and Brian break off from their discussion of Proust as they gaze in total disbelief at Iain attempting to blend into the bedroom décor as he makes his way across the room. His ploy is unsuccessful and he beats a hasty retreat to his bed. Numpty!

 

* Frenchy time Beer count 24 beers each (and one huge Tequila for Iain and Brian). This includes; the 11am refusal by Iain; the spillage in the late-night bar by Brian; and Brain leaving his freshly opened can unattended whilst he went to the toilet (consumed by Iain, the beer burglar) – schoolboy error!

Day 2 – Sightseeing and the game

 

0700hrs Brian wakes up feeling violated, fortunately he remembers the previous day’s exploits. Unfortunately that doesn’t help as he feels like death. The smile on Al’s sleeping face isn’t any comfort - perhaps it’s a bad dream? More sleep!!!

 

0900hrs Hangovers for Iain and Brian - Al is still pissed.

 

0930hrs First two coffees of the day. Still hung-over. The Three Musketeers make for the City Centre, and a day that had started badly gets worse…for an unsuspecting French man as he is trampled underfoot by Brian who momentarily loses his balance as the Tram sets off. “Merde”. He seems less than impressed by Brian’s cursory “Pardon” and his constant grimacing and whining is only curtailed when he exits the tram, possibly to seek medical attention!

 

1015hrs More coffee and pastries (get some sugar in). Still hung-over.

 

1100hrs Trip to Girondins de Bordeaux club shop, which is about the same size as the one York City have. Buy some expensive tat and leave.

 

1230hrs Wandering through a shopping centre in search of food. As we walk towards a Grill, Iain and Brian come face to face with and invisible enemy. The smell of the grill stops them both (independently) at exactly the same spot. Without rehearsal they both about turn and walk away explaining that they had just seen something in another shop they might like to get as a gift. Food? Definitely not - Still hung-over!

 

Al continues towards the grill informing his imaginary friend that he’s feeling a little peckish and still a little drunk!

 

1315hrs Short stroll through Bordeaux for those with normal legs - long hike for those with diddy little legs. By now there are more cops on the street than usually in a French canteen - claiming to be busy with paperwork.

 

1430hrs Back at the bar next to the hotel. First three beers of the day (time check?!). Still hung-over it’s soon back to the room for a little rest.

 

1800hrs Still hung-over and its three more beers, before the journey to the game.

 

1930hrs Arrive at the ground and after a little bit of searching we’re in. First impressions – dump. It’s a ground used during the World Cup of 98 and in the last ten years hasn’t seen any attention at all – unless you count local graffiti artists!

 

 

1940hrs We’re inside. Second impression – first impressions are always accurate. It is a toilet and not fit to host Champions League football. Probably not even Frenchy League football.

2240hrs The game is over. You all saw it on TV. It was shockingly poor, but at least you were all warm!! It was -3° for us and the wind doesn’t half whistle round that rickety old stadium. Then the officials tell us we’re being kept in until 2305hrs. They were having a laugh! It was freezing and the bars will close soon after.Whilst waiting we were then treat to the finest display of gymnastics this side of the drug fuelled Iron Curtain of the 70’s. A large (lets call him fat); receding (lets call him bald); middle aged (plain old) Chelsea fan decided he wasn’t going to wait. He carefully moved the crash barriers then wobbled at speed towards the 15 foot metal fences, separating him from the freedom of Bordeaux . We all stood and laughed thinking that his attempt alone would be comical and we would probably be witness to a large amount of French Police restraint techniques.

 

But, NO. Fat, bald, old wobbly man leapt at the gates like a gazelle and in one swift move was over them! His athleticism and gymnastic ability left us all dumbfounded. Iain was equally astounded by the ‘rapid’ reaction and crowd control techniques of the French Bill. They basically did bugger all!

 

2330hrsWe leave the ground and after a relatively short (unescorted) walk find ourselves at a tram stop. Stood amongst a load of Frenchies we hear an English voice. Looking over we’re surprised to spot Graham and Scott the two blokes we met on the Eurostar during our speed drink to oblivion. Short exchange of banter then another one of those free tram rides home. Bordeauvian public transport is very impressive.

 

 

Back to our local for a night cap with the smug gits behind the bar.

Beer count only 9 beers each (except for Iain who only had six and a big glass of water with a slice of lemon - while Iain is at the toilet Al and Brian discuss his Gayness.) Serious hangovers all round.

Day 3 – The return to Blighty

0800hrs All awake and up. Surprisingly sprightly, a complete contrast to the previous morning, when Iain and Brian could have given Peter Beardsley a run for his money in the looks stakes; and Al was still pissed.

 

 

0900hrs First coffee of the day. Sat in a nice little café on a square in Bordeaux, don’t ask where in Bordeaux, but it was next to a turtloise – Brian wasn’t sure when he saw it on the first night (through his ever darkening beer goggles) whether it was a turtle or tortoise! Al was too busy standing on it!

 

 

0930hrs At the train station and time for another coffee and to get some supplies for the trip home. Iain amuses himself by attempting to find the toilets, this works as it keeps him busy for 20 mins and he still doesn’t find them. Good thing he isn’t employed for his observational skills! Brian (the visually impaired one) decides to have a look and within 2 mins is successful. Iain feels somewhat of a numpty! Just to prove this assertion - when their train is called, Iain leads Al and Brian down a flight of stairs, across a small concourse, through a tunnel and up another flight of stairs to bring them to the platform they had been stood 30 feet from minutes before!

1100hrs Bang on time the train pulls out of the station. The one thing about travel in France – they actually mean the times they say and they get it right every time!!

1130hrs Time for a beer, accompanied by another beer. Then time to break open the hip flasks we’d forgotten about. Before we knew what was going on he were half way through our journey. Time for a chat with the neighbours….

1300hrs The neighbours were a set of supporters from Belgium and two of them were season ticket holders!! Amongst them was a very young lad who had clearly been on the pop early. We weren’t sure whether his English wasn’t as good as the others or whether he was slurring his words – hard to tell with him. Eric and Joell were certainly very chatty and it’s fair to say Joell was a big lad, so it was a good job he was friendly. We discussed the ‘boy’ and it transpired it was his first game and the excitement had clearly got to him. Al remarked that he was ‘only a baby’ and it was to be expected. Joell then piped up and said he was the same age – Al remarked he was clearly ‘a big baby’. Thankfully that produced much laughter – after all…. he was a very big lad!

1615hrs We pitch up in Lille . Not a lot to do for an hour and a bit so we found a supermarket and got some beer. We then approached customs and Iain went first. Ever the one to interact with the locals he greeted the uniformed chappy behind the counter in his finest French – before the bloke replied ‘This is English customs….didn’t get a word of that Guv’. Bri and Al fall about laughing and into the big sign saying ‘Welcome to Her Majesty’s Customs’. Iain – observational skills - there seemed to be a pattern forming.

 

Soon after we were on the Eurostar and on the way to the Tunnel, unfortunately we were sat in a carriage with a load of blokes from Salisbury pretending to be West London geezers. Thankfully it was a fairly quick journey. The beers certainly helped!

 

 

1800hrs Back in Kings Cross and we had two hours before our train to York leaves. What were we to do? With O’Neil’s just round the corner it seemed rude not to have the first Guinness of the trip. Quick pint and it’s off to buy some more beer for the trip, oh and a little bit of food. Mr Hagyard certainly didn’t appreciate the gastronomic delight that is Sushi! Homme food! Brian had thought his Chicken Tikka Wrap (non-bloke food) as somewhat outlandish.

 

 

2000hrs Train leaves and its time for beer and cards, by this time Brian had reached the conclusion that Iain and Al were a couple of cheating gits and so began to change the rules. This was somewhat Barn Door and Bolting Horse country as they had stopped playing for money after leaving France !!

 

 

2215hrs Back in York and time for home.

 

 

2220hrs We arrive home and Andrea serves three of her bestest pints. And another three……. and another three. Then the most shocking part of the trip!! Sarge puts his hand in his pocket and buys a round. We are shocked into silence – even Brian.

Beer count

 

A more respectable 16 beers with helpings of Tequila and Vodka.

 

All in all a fantastic three day trip with many more memories than there is time to tell. It was the Boys Club Tour and what goes on Tour stays on Tour, furthermore this is a 12A rated Blog and so many of the photos will have to wait for the un-cut version.

  

 

‘Regardez le Pamplemousse’- Au revoir!